Dumb Comparisons

Do life crises happen to everyone? Here I am, almost thirty. Ten years ago, I certainly thought I'd be married by now, and I'm not. Nowhere close, am I? For me now, this seems right, not being close. As much as I couldn't imagine not being married by thirty then, thinking of being married by thirty when it's only a few short year away seems extreme, and much too adult for a girl like me. But. There is always a but. As one best friend has his second child and another grills me about when I'm coming home so I can help plan her wedding, I can't help but wonder if I am, brutally, behind this curve. Would we feel the same envies and jealousies and insecurities if we had nothing to compare ourselves and our own lives to? Because I honestly think that if I were stranded without communication, if I had no idea what any of my more commitment-friendly amigos were doing with their lives, I would not question my inability to settle down. I would take it as who I am and assume that things would change if they would change and there would be no worry about it. It would just be.
Why do we get so wrapped up in comparisons? There is no introspection in it, really. In looking at other people. It helps nothing. We are the product of our lives and our lives are the product of us. Sort of a mobius strip of fate and free will. To look at my married friend, happy with his wife and children and 9-5, and wonder why I don't already have the same thing would be like wondering why an Amazonian doesn't live in an igloo when it seems to work just fine for the Eskimos. Useless.
So you can't wonder. It will drive you crazy and it doesn't even change anything.
I keep looking at my past and thinking about the different outcomes I could have had. Such dangerous territory, isn't it? I can think of two boys that I probably would have been married to by now had I wanted that. Maybe three. Boys that were ready when I wasn't. But that was before most of my friends and my friends' younger siblings were getting married. And now...
I meant it when I said that all of this is useless.

I'm not writing well. I'm not thinking well. This one is over for now.