Soooo....things aren't going quite well for me right in this moment. Nothing is seriously wrong, either. I have just found myself having one of those days where you examine your life more closely than is comfortable and find out, without much surprise, that you might not be perfectly, blindly happy. This is not a revelation, really. I have had these days before and they mostly make me shrug my shoulders and say, "Ok, so what are you gonna do about it?" I have so little pity for myself. I am sporadically glad for that.
I'm not going to delve into what I know is making me feel this way. This is one of the few things I have been able to sort out without writing all of it down first. I get it. I know what's wrong. I also know exactly what and how I need to change. This dissatisfaction is no enigma. It's more of a pain in the ass, to tell the truth of it. And the pot of coffee I just drank is probably not helping. Maybe I'll just sit in the sun and listen to Cat Stevens until Wednesday, when I get to go home and get some space from everything that is driving me crazy. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.
And right now, instead of letting myself sink into this bummer of a mood, I am going to focus on things I am excited for. Home things, to be exact. I will make a list of everything I am stoked to go home for. And then when I get home, maybe I'll make a list of the things I thought I missed but don't. And the things I didn't think of that I miss terribly. Happens every time. Here it goes:

-Whole Foods!!! The beautiful, unparalleled produce section is bigger than my entire store.
-Driving and actually getting somewhere
-Country radio!
-Going downtown and not seeing ANYONE I know.
-My mom
-My dad
-My whole family, actually
-Blasting my car radio and cruising on I-70
-Coffee shops
-Ice cream parlors
-Walking barefoot on grass
-Carpet
-Cool nights
-Friends I have known for more than 2 years
-New nail polish colors
-Shopping! Buying a pair of shorts for less than $60 is a big, big deal.
-Puppies
-Good beer


--Ok, I'm going to go to the beach now and work on that Cat Stevens thing. The list has certainly helped my mood. More later.

Rambling without direction.

Oh, hello there, May. Are you already here again? That happened fast. Season is, in all true definitions and understandings, over. Another crazy year under my belt. Another ten BVI stamps in the passport and another departing staff full of people whom I will probably not ever see again. I think I've gotten good at goodbyes. Practice makes perfect, I suppose, but I never wanted to be good at goodbyes.
I don't know that I would consider myself a nomad, though I have always regarded the word romantically and wish it could pass as my own classification. I'm just lost and then found, generally in succession. Over and over and over again. I stay somewhere until I'm unhappy and then I leave. I'm not a hobo; I'm just logical. And portable. I also happen to like living in places where most people only get to vacation. I don't really understand why everybody doesn't live this way. Why on Earth would you live somewhere mundane when you don't have to? When there are a million places so beautiful that they make you wish you never had to blink? It's true, I tend to love in fairly expensive spots. It works for me, since being broke seems to be my most natural state. I can see how that would not work for everyone.
It can also be exhausting to live this way. You spend a few months gearing up. Preparing and planning and scheduling and trying your very best to get ready for the tazmanian devil that is a throng of pasty, hurried tourists. Then you're in the cloud, just trying not to get hit by the suntan lotion bottles and tiny paper umbrellas that fly off the frenzied mass. The frenzy lasts a few lucrative months longer than you would like it to. And then...then it's like you were going 95 on the highway and saw a cop. Slam the brakes. Slow the hell down. Try your best to act like nothing happened. And then, before you know it, you're prepping again. There is barely time to catch your breath.
So I guess I can understand why people wouldn't want this life. But I still do.