I am off of the Vineyard now.  Done.  Sitting in my friend's real world apartment in Chicago and wishing that I had spent the last 6 months any other place than that sandbar.  I was excited, wasn't I?  I thought the Vineyard would be a good move.  Something I did for myself and by myself and with no reason other than the "why not?" that I tend to throw out like candy from a parade float.  And now I'm done.  Shellshocked and not entirely myself and not entirely ok, but at least I'm done.

   Now what?  If nothing else, that island taught me what I absolutely do not want.  It gave me a clear outline of the type of person I don't want to be and a good idea of what happens to me when I become that type of person.

   Evan says that there is a lesson to be learned from those 6 months.  Nothing I will be able to figure out right now, but surely a lesson.  Some piece of introspective gold that will reveal itself in the months or years to come, when I can look back at the whole experience in relation to the rest of my life at that moment and understand why I put myself through everything that I did.  I wish I could fast forward to that moment.  I wish it because I am sitting here in tiny Jamie shaped pieces trying to put myself back together.  And I don't even have a reason for falling apart.

   I am so excited for Colorado.  Isn't that funny?  A year and a half ago, Colorado terrified me.  Now I can't think of a single place I would rather be.  

This will be an interesting winter.